middleofnowhere

10. Saint Patrick

Duh. Interestingly enough, Saint Patrick has never officially been canonized by a pope, meaning he’s not a saint, right? Wrong. He’s on the list of Saints, making him one of the earliest benefactors of the “fake it ‘til you make it school of thought. Congrats!

9. Leprechauns

Specifically , I’m thinking about the murderous leprechaun from the Leprechaun series in the 90’s. Awesomely bad and yet so, so good. There are special places in my heart for Leprechaun: In the Hood as well as Leprechaun 4: In space.

8. Lucky Charms

Horseshoes, four leaf clovers, rainbows!! They’re always after me lucky charms!! They’re magically delicious. (Warning - Consumption of actual horseshoes may result in death).

7. ” ______ Me, I’m Irish” apparel

The first time you see a “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” button, it’s kind of cute. Then you see it some the lumpy, stretched t-shirt of some mule and it becomes less so. Eventually you see “Touch Me, I’m Irish”, “Spank Me, I’m Irish” and finally Irwin, the fat guy in accounting, wearing a “Sodomize Me, I’m Irish” and the charm is truly gone forever.

6. Riverdance/The Lord of the Dance/Michael Flatley

It’s like “Stomp!”. Um, except there’s no props. Oh and there’s more dancers. And the costumes are much, much gayer. And the concept is entirely different. But other than that? Exactly the same.

5. Gaelic

Níl aon sean stoca nach bhfaigheann sean bhróg. There’s hope out there even for you, Ugly, Ugly Man.

4. Irish Stew

Not the actual, traditional dish that by all reports is quite amazing. No, I’m talking about the canned product made by Puritan. I’ve lived on this stuff for pretty much all of my life, which judging by the amount of preservatives etc contained within each can, should be about 45 years, max. They also have another product just called “Beef Stew” which is the exact same thing, but given the choice, I will always buy Irish Stew. Mmmmm.

3. Shillelagh

If the WWE has shown me nothing else, it’s that these babies are great for cracking people with. Any stick with an end actually called “the hitting end” is all right by me.

2. Guinness

You truly have not lived until you’ve had Guinness. Even if it’s the worst experience of your entire life (possible), you can’t really call it a life until you’ve tried Guinness. See the pickle you might find yourself in? Also associated with the world records thingy, which no doubt arose from drunken arguments. “You call tha’ wee thing the begges’ horse in Derry County, Seamus? Me cousin Finn has one twice as beg, don’ ‘e Paddy?”

1. Religious Differences

To grossly oversimplify global political-religious issues, while the United States are so concerned with the entire Muslim-Christian dynamic, there are places where even the Christian-Christian dynamic has worked poorly for many generations. This is the “My Jesus Can Beat Up Your Jesus” or “Jesus Likes Us Better” syndrome.

Honourable Mentions: The colour green, Colin Farrell and House of Pain (Jump Around!)

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