Mar 16 2009
Monday the 16th - Jason Sees His Therapist
Scene: Stereotypical Therapists Office. Middle aged man wearing cords and a sweater is seated in one chair, holding a pen and notepad. The other man (quite large) wearing coveralls and a hockey mask is seated a few feet away. Next to him is a burlap sack with several rusty and/or bloody implements sticking out.
Doctor: So….another Friday, the you-know-what, has come and gone. Did you have a nice weekend?
Jason:…
Doctor: Anything exciting or interesting happen?
Jason: (sighs - puts his face in his hands and slowly rubs)
Doctor: Jason?
Jason: I dunno, doc. I….I wonder I’m stuck in a rut you know?
Doctor: Well….do you think you’re stuck in a rut?
Jason: Maybe. I mean…sort of. I guess. I dunno.
Doctor: It’s your opinion, Jason. There is no right or wrong answer. If you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, then you are. No one else can tell you if you are or aren’t.
Jason: Then yeah, I am. I mean…look, doc. I’ve killed a lot of people. I mean, a lot.
Doc: Right.
Jason: And do you know how many of them have been on Friday the 13th?
Doctor: No. I can’t say that I do.
Jason: Me either! That’s the freaking point!! A - I don’t keep track with a calendar. B - Even if I start the killing spree on the 13th, it’s usually late and most of the killing happens on the 14th. Or the 15th even.
Doctor: Wait. If you don’t keep track, why would you state most of the killings happen on the 14th or 15th?
Jason: I…uh. It’s just….(hand slowly moves towards the burlap bag)
Doctor: (quickly) Never mind, never mind. I’m sure it’s a coincidence. So on that note, what did you do this weekend?
Jason: Not much…pretty quiet.
Doctor: Do tell. Please.
Jason: I cleaned up around the cabin. Rented a couple of movies. You know….(quickly and lowly) killed a group of teens who were spending the weekend around the camp getting high and having sex.
Doctor: What was that last part?
Jason: Huh?
Doctor: That last part, what was it.
Jason: (takes a deep breath, slowly exhales) I killed a group of teens who were spending the weekend around the camp getting high and having sex. There. Ya happy now doc? Are ya? (Stands up and starts becoming more animated, voice raising, arms waving around) Oooooh, what a surprise, right? The big, bad killer hacks up a bunch of horny teens who dared to intrude onto my property on the one weekend I really, reeeeeally want to be left alone!
Doctor: Ok Jason. You need to sit down and take some deep breaths. We’ve talked about this.
(Jason sits down)
Doctor: Thank you.
Jason: I even put up signs, doc. All over the place. “Do Not Enter”, “Restricted”, “I Will Hack You to Death or Even Possibly Stab You in The Eye With a Party Horn” - I’ve done that, you know?
Doctor: Yes Jason. I remember the party horn. Do you remember how we’ve talked about more productive outlets for your creative thinking?
Jason: (sheepishly) I remember…
Doctor: Right. Let’s go through them. Knitting?
Jason: I stabbed someone with the needles. Right through the ear.
Doctor: Painting?
Jason: Made the person drink an entire can of latex paint. They died.
Doctor: Origami?
Jason: I started trying to give everyone paper cuts. But it was taking too long, so I hacked them all up with a machete.
Doctor: Oh for Christ’s sake. For once can’t you….
*Ding*
Doctor: Well, will you look at that. Time’s up. Same time in two weeks?
Jason: Sure doc. (stands up, shakes the doctor’s hand)
Doctor: One more thing Jason.
Jason: No more killing?
Doctor: What? God, no. We’re months away from that. Don’t forget your bag.
Jason: Oh right. Heh. Thanks.
