middleofnowhere

 Chris: Hey there folks, I’m Chris Wilson

Mark: And I’m Mark Jones. And together, we’re…

Chris and Mark: The Movie Dudes.

Chris: This week we review The Watchmen, the dark brooding graphic novel brought to life. As usual, to do justice to the film I’m reviewing I watched it twice taking in every detail possible.

Mark: I, of course, still haven’t seen the film and actually first heard of it a couple when I overheard a couple of losers geeking out at Starbucks.

Chris: Okay, let’s get down to it. Mark, I for one, was astonished by Jackie Earl Haley’s performance as Rorschach. This psychotic, yet sympathetic anti-hero is one of the most fascinating characters to grace the silver screen in recent years.

Mark: I have no idea what you’re talking about Chris. I am pretty stoked that one of the sweathogs has finally made it to the big screen but I’m a little disappointed that they didn’t have Ron Palilo keep his old role.

Chris: Ron Palilo? Who the hell is…

Mark: Ohh, ohh, ohh …Mr Kotter! Mr Kotter!

Chris: Are you high?

Mark: Rorschach, dude! Arnold Rorschach!!

Chris: Dear Jesus…First. It’s Horshack. And second. I hate you.

Mark: Noted….Moving on! The only thing I can remember hearing those dudes talk about is a blue schlong.

Chris: The nudity of the character Doctor Manhattan was also an eye-opener when the graphic novel was released back in 1986. Director Zack Snyder felt that he wanted to stay as true to the story as possible and made the decision to not shy away from the “little issue” of Manhattan’s full frontal nudity. In this case though, all of the nudity is actually CGI, with actor Billy Crudup not actually required to do the full monty.

Mark: Dude, that is so gay. And you saw it twice? Hahahahaha!!

Chris: Do you have anything else to add to this? Seriously?

Mark: I don’t think so. Run with it, dude.

Chris: Crudup’s performance as the only genuinely super-powered being on earth is also very powerful. Doctor Manhattan is clinging by a thread to his humanity, trying desperately to fit in with people he feels increasingly detached to as well as trying to…

Mark: Distract them with his glowing blue wang?

Chris: Just shut up.

Mark: Overall, The Watchmen sounds like a gay porno, so I’ll give it one star out of five and will likely never see it.

Chris: This movie had some brilliant performances and was true to the novel which should keep avid fans happy. It’s copious amount of blue penis as well as man ass, does make it seem like a gay porno at times, particularly with the two-hour, forty minute running time. 10 minutes of male nudity could easily be chopped by choosier editor. Three stars out of five.

Mark: That does it for this weeks show. Join us next week, when we review Monsters versus Aliens starring…..Sigourney Weaver, maybe? Is that right?

Chris: Tool. Until next week. We’ll see you….at the movies.

Mark: Or possibly in a bar. You know….where ever