Feb 02 2009
CBC Picks 49 Songs for Obama - Part One
Leading up to the inauguration date, CBC spent many a tax payers dollar compiling a list of 49 Canadian songs for Obama so that he could better “get” Canada and our culture. Why 49? Well, duh - the 49th parallel of course, you silly goose! Of course, two thirds of Canada’s population actually lives BELOW the 49th parallel. Shhhhhh.
Of course, with any poll you leave open to public and internet voting, you’re going to get the results skewed towards those people who a)care and b) have nothing better to do than stuff the ballot boxes.
Someday, cyber-geeks will make all of our decisions!
Tomorrow, I’ll give props to the songs that I think belonged on the list, but today, I’d rather mock the choices that blow. See? Balance.
American Woman - The Guess Who
There’s an inherent problem with including this song on a list to educate someone about us. For one, this is a very well known song, a big hit for the Guess Who back in the 70’s. Here’ Mr. President - an anti-American anthem for you! Here’s a taste of the lyrics;
“American Woman, stay away from me
American Woman, mama let me be
Don’t come a hangin’ around my door
I don’t wanna see your face no more”
Randy Bachman said it really wasn’t meant to be anti-American and that the “woman” is the Statue of Liberty. Yes, much better….
Bobcaygeon - The Tragically Hip
The Tragically Hip are my absolute favourite band and deserve a place on this list. And Bobcaygeon is a great tune, very haunting and melodic. As far as I can tell though, the main reason this particular tune was included was to show the potency of Canada’s pot.
“as i’m pulling down the blinds i saw the sky was dull and hypothetical and falling one cloud at a time that night in toronto with it’s checkerboard floors riding on horseback”
A second theory is that Obama is intelligent enough to understand what the hell these lyrics mean.
I’m sticking with the pot hypothesis.
If I Had A Million Dollars - The Barenaked Ladies
Another great Canadian band that has had a lot of success south of the border, the Barenaked Ladies have any number of songs that could have made this list.
This is what Obama will learn from this song. 1) A million dollars is apparently a lot of money in Canada. 2)If Canadians have excess money, they become retarded (more so) and purchase things like Kraft Dinner and green dresses. 3) Canada has lax prostitution laws - “If I had a million dollars, I’d buy your love”. How Pretty Woman!
Suzanne - Leonard Cohen
“You can spend the night beside her
And you know that she’s half crazy
But that’s why you want to be there
And she feeds you tea and oranges That come all the way from china And just when you mean to tell her That you have no love to give her Then she gets you on her wavelength And she lets the river answer” Come on, internet nerds!! WTF are we exactly telling Obama here? Sigh….
