middleofnowhere

Some of these things are festive related, others are just things I wish would go away. Just another top ten list I’m generating while waiting in an airport to go visit my parents for Christmas.

10 - Nancy Grace

This woman drives me absolutely freaking bonkers. She thrives on panic and scandal, treats guests that disagree with her with absolute disdain and makes me want to scream everytime I see her. I’m sure she makes good. points from time to time, but sadly I can’t sit through all of the hystrionics to hear them.

9 - The freezing, freezing cold

I know, why in the hell does someone who hates the cold live in Canada? Other than the winters (which last 11.5 months), the weather is quite agreeable. The fact that I had to boost my car twice this morning does not help this point of irritation.

I like my dad’s idea to load a snowblower into the pack of a pickup truck and drive south until somebody asks “Hey, what’s that thing in the back of your truck?” and stay there.

8 - The Last Minute Shopping Crush

My wife loves going out during the last couple of days before Christmas to do some shopping. The malls are jammed with irritated, stressed and generally crazy people. Including us, by default. I would rather throw some glowing embers from the Christmas fire down my pants than continue this ridiculous ritual.

7 - Any More Coverage About Blago

I get it. He sucks. And that hair? Oy. Is it really news that he professes his innocence?

6 - Fruit Cake

I hate it. It smells weird. Looks weird. I’d say it tastes weird, but I could be lying, as I’ve never, ever eaten it. Anything that lasts that long without going bad is a non-consumable item, people.

5 - Bad Family Traditions

Like the one where my mother cooks a huge meal and makes us wait for my brother who is always late to show up with his family. My brother doesn’t care if we start without him and we’re all hungry.

4 - Everyone Getting Sick

This could be the same as bad family traditions, but it’s not like we go out of our way to get sick during Christmas. We’ve rarely had a Christmas where at least one of us wasn’t very sick. Crowded malls and crowded hospitals. Ugh.

3 - Obligations

I don’t like feeling like I really have to do things. It’s funny how many people talk about how they plan on relaxing during the holidays and yet are busier than imaginable over the Christmas break.

2 - Gremlins

They get into everything. They’re messy. And they even got poor Mrs. Deagle. Well…maybe she deserved it.

1 - Lousy Christmas Movies

I’m all about the classics - The Grinch (cartoon version please), It’s a Wonderful Life, The Santa Clause. But there are many, many movies that actually most likely contribute to the high rates of depression at Christmas time.

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