middleofnowhere

I’ve been enjoying Top Ten Lists as well as adding a visual component to my blog, so given the season, I give to you, my reader, 10 really, really bad Christmas gifts.

10 - A Divorce

Christmas is known as the season of the highest rates of depression, binge drinking/drug use and even suicide. Imagine your spouses surprise when they find their stocking stuffed with the divorce papers. Ho ho ho?

9 - A Poisonous Snake

Experts agree, pets are a big no-no at Christmas time. Even if the snake doesn’t kill the recipient, explaining the gift afterwards is just awkward.

8 - A Punch in The Face

You may have heard the expression “Well, that’s better than a punch in the face!”. Most things are. Don’t give this to anyone.

8 - A Kick in The Groin

See above. Who wants or asks for this?

7 - Plastic Package Openers

You know why this gift sucks? How exactly do you open the damn package? Isn’t the point of receiving this gift the fact that you can’t?

6 - Anthrax

No one wants a horrible, horrible disease under their tree.

5 - Anything Star Trek

Even if you have a friend or family member who would appreciate it, why in God’s name are you encouraging it?

4 - Unusual Christmas Albums

Even albums that stand the test of time (Boney M rules!) only get pulled out and listened to once a year. Don’t make someone feel obliged to  listen to something like “A Billy Idol Christmas”

3 - Bad Perfume or Cologne

Just because you enjoy smelling like a train station bathroom, doesn’t mean I will.

2 - Best Wishes

Do I look like Alladin? I wish for someone who wasn’t too cheap or lazy to get me a gift.

1 - Anything With “Some” Assembly Required

If I wanted a puzzle, I would have asked for puzzle. Gifts requiring knowledge of multiple languages or advanced university degrees result in me giving you one of the above gifts (likely number 8 or 9).

Trackback URI | Comments RSS