Dec 16 2008
10 Jobs Requiring Less Work Than Politicians
I recently found an interesting statistic about our politicians and how many days of work they will have put in between June 21, 2008 and January 28, 2009. Any guesses? If you said thirteen, step to the head of the class! That’s right, MP’s of all parties will have worked a total of less than three full business weeks in Ottawa since last summer.
So, are there jobs requiring even less attendance and effort than elected officials? You bet there are! Here is a list of such sweet plums, compiled by the dedicated staff here in the middleofnowhere.
10 - The Maytag Repairman
This is a controversial choice, as he did technically show up for work faithfully and was always in uniform. He was a dedicated employee and would likely have done the work if any was required. You created this monster, damn you Maytag!! Reportedly, the Maytag Repairman will receive an appointment to the Canadian Senate and will likely notice no appreciable change in his work.
9 - That Guy From Memento
Guy Pearce’s character in Memento has suffered a brain injury and can no longer form new memories. He relies on a series of polaroids and tattoos to help him piece together his current existence, but is easily swayed and manipulated by a series of unscrupulous and dangerous characters. All of this bears a freakish parallel to recently deposed Liberal leader, Stephane Dion.
8 - Newborns
Sure they can be cute, but trying to get them to do something productive is very difficult. Some of the luckier parents are able to put their kids to work as baby models, etc, but you still have to dote on them day and night. On the brighter side, all of the napping, crying and incontinence also makes them ideal for senate appointments.
7 - Manual Uribe and Other Really, Really Fat People
Manuel Uribe was for some time the world’s heaviest person, tipping the scales at over 1200 pounds. Even though he was unable to leave his bed for over six years, he managed to find love and was recently married - look for the special called “My Big Fat Mexican Wedding”. I’m not even kidding about this.
6-Castaways
These poor suckers actually have to do a lot of physical work but don’t get any money for it. It’s like the worst volunteer job in the world and there’s no chance you’re going to get any community recognition for it either.
5 - Bank Robbers
Robbing 13 banks in only a few months is possible, but hardly necessary. A lot of scouting and planning has to go into robbing a bank, I guess, but in terms of time spent at the actual “place of work”, it’s usually quite fast by all reports. A few minutes in and out, hopefully without getting shot or caught.
4 - Gold Diggers
This refers to people who marry rich people for the sole purpose of never having to work rather than people who literally dig for gold, who actually work quite hard. The flip side of this is having to pretend to like to touch these repulsive, disgusting rich folk. At least until they die.
3 - Santa
This man has a sweet operation. Doesn’t make the toys but rather has his union free operation do it for god only knows how low the wages are. Gets to arbitrarily decide who is “naughty” or “nice”. Has magic freaking reindeer to help him to fly at unimaginable speeds on his ONE workday a year to help him drop off all the gifts his sucker elves have made.
2 - Dead People (excluding zombies, who are technically the undead
There are some notable exceptions to this, most notably Bernie (from Weekend at Bernie’s 1 AND 2). Unlike their fully dead counterparts though, the undead have no problem finding work, particularly in music (see videos, Thriller) or Hollywood.
1 - People in comas
Although this is actually debatable as many people in comas are shown to have very active brains even while physically inactive - which is almost the exact opposite of many of our MPs who while physically active seemingly have very inactive brains.
Nicely done.
Oh, and I was mostly asleep when I commented on your blog the other day, and didn’t realize it was an Austin Powers reference until much later.
No commenting before coffee from now on.
I have to disagree…This MP’s are in their ridings doing the riding work….I really don’t want to be represented by a person who has been where I live once in the past year.
These people give up a lot thing to run for public office. Many take a pay cut (even though we think they make too much, some of these folks are very well paid professionals prior to being elected, or at least have the ability to be so, I mean otherwise we wouldn’t vote for them…are you going to vote for a smart, well spoken individual, with maybe some sort of schooling, or degree, or professional reputation, or are you going to vote for let’s say….Jack Layton), they are away from their families, friends, important personal events, etc…
They actually had the courage to stand up, probably put up much of their own money (and not all are Paul ‘I own a fleet of container ships’ Martin)and say ‘hey, I want to take this opportunity represent you, I want to try to do my best for my country (because really, let’s be smart, politicians are rarely in a position where they are not pressured or curtailed by a lobby group, special interest group, budgetary constraints (due to our insane whining about taxes), or the bureaucracy that actually runs our country)
While I enjoy taking the jabs at the politics and the gaffs, and I love voicing my contrary opinions and the like….I believe the vast majority of our representatives (democratically elected by the way)do work hard, they do sacrifice, they do try their best to do what is best (given any one of a million set of circumstances they deal with)
All us holy then thou Canadians who don’t stand up to run, sit at home whining about those who do….because of course, in the millions of us that exist, it is only the lazy and crooked who run for office…..thank god because that leaves the rest of us pure of spirit to bitch about them.
just because the House is not sitting does not mean these folks are working….Cuz when the it reconvenes in January, there is going to be a budget tabled, a government breaking budget…Do you think Stephen and the boys are just going to toss something together the morning of and hope it sticks?
Nice rant Myra. Still doesn’t change the fact that our politicians spend more time slagging each other in the media and campaigning than actually in Ottawa.
Thanks for lemonizing my blog. I really appreciate it! About your “Less Work Than Politicians” blog, it is extremely clever with GREAT photos. It remains to be seen how a U.S. Democratic (I use the word loosely) majority Congress will now find world peace, solve the economic crisis and give free medical care and college educations to all. That should take up most of THEIR waking hours.